Vampire Weekend.

No. 

Just No.

No, wait, I'll add something:

I wish someone had told me they sounded like that, so I could avoid at all costs. 

Yuppie fucks. "We hate rock music! Waaah!" 

Shut the fuck up.

I'm Not There. Must be referring to the storytelling and filmmaking talent.

So, I watched - or tried to watch - the Bob Dylan "biopic."

Wow. What a piece of shit. I LOVE Bob Dylan, but this was like...wow....absolute shit. 

First off, no-one is called Bob Dylan in the entire thing. Sure, I get it. It's supposed to be "Oh, he's everyone! He's NO-ONE!" But seriously, they could have done this in such a way that didn't fucking suck. Seriously, Jack Rollins? Arthur Rimbaud? Jude Quinn? A little black kid named Woody Guthrie? Sweet. It's the different stages of his life played by different people. At least call him Bob FUCKING Dylan. It's ridiculous. It's like having a Muhammad Ali movie, but calling him Jimmy Daniels, then Nick Burke, then Alexander Kozlov, then...Do you see where I'm going with this?

Next, these different people play DYLAN songs. Once again, I get it. They ARE Dylan. Once again, it's done in a very stupid way. Just call the people BOB DYLAN! 

THIRD, and this is the kicker, all these people who are performing Bob Dylan songs and acting like Bob Dylan have albums that are his albums...but Aren't...but they are? I wish I could find a picture of the Jack Rollins' album. It's so stupid. It's "The Times They Are A-Changin'," right? But it's called "Time Has Come." Exact same layout, exact same picture, everything is the exact same. So WHY CALL IT SOMETHING DIFFERENT?! It's SO frustrating. It's...ugh. I can't continue on this. It hurts my head.

Onto the acting: Sorry guys, but doing a Dylan impression doesn't count as being Dylan. I can do a Dylan impression. Does that mean I should play him? Nooooo, it doesn't. Christian Bale, for example, is an AWESOME actor. I love his work. However, he thinks being Dylan is talking in a nasally voice and acting jittery. Sorry, Batman. That doesn't work. Not only that, but when he sings, he sings the songs in a sensitive voice! What?! On a good note, I learned that Christian Bale can sing. Hm.

To wrap up, the director of this thing, Todd Haynes, is a twat. It's almost like he said "Well, it's  a Dylan movie. Dylan didn't make sense. This MOVIE shouldn't!! YAY!" Ok, dude. I'm gonna direct a Lead Belly movie. I know NOTHING about him, but whatever. I'm gonna get Laurence Fishburne to play Iron Stomach, Terence Howard to play Jimmy Masterson, Ashton Kutcher to play Moe, and a little Asian kid to play Po' Boy Jackson. But they'll all be Lead Belly. Only at different stages in his life. And Moe will record albums called "Satan's Abyss," "Twilight Select," and "Moe Sings Blues-like."

See?