Have you ever hated your neighbors so much...

I absolutely HATE my stupid upstairs neighbors. The fucking assholes think it's perfectly fine to make as much noise as they can whenever the fuck they want to. Like right. God Damn. Now. The constant fucking slamming of objects on the their floor. The constant hammering. The constant drilling and vacuuming and being "rocker" fucking asshole douchebags who clean up other people shit for a living, as well as buying AND selling shit at flea markets.

They are useless. USE. LESS. A use for these fucking assholes has yet to be found. 

Unless, of course, you want to buy some useless crap at the flea market like the rest of the useless people. Then, they might have a use. 

No...

wait...

still completely fucking pointless. 

Just Because...Top Ten Albums! Whoo!!

I just read Pitchfork's "Top 100 Albums of the 90's," and it made me think that I really don't listen to FULL albums anymore. Like, hardly ever. I'll skip songs, buy entire albums for ONE song (*cough*StoneRoses*cough*), or just download random songs from an album that I really should listen to all of. So. In light of that, here are my top ten favorite albums. Suck it.

10. Jay-Z - The Black Album 

"Dirt off your Shoulder" was the song that made me buy it, and the 

classics "Public Service Announcement," "Change Clothes," 

"Encore," and, of course, "99 Problems" kept me listening. It's how mainstream rap SHOULD sound. High energy, great writing and rhyming, and as HOV puts it, "the flow of the century." Jay says "Encore/Do you want more?" Yes.

9. The Notorious B.I.G.  - Life After 

Death

The man IS New York 

rap. "Hypnotize?" "Big Poppa?" "Going Back to Cali?" "Ten Crack Commandments?" "Ni**as Bleed?" As my first real introduction into ra

p music, Life After Death was the album that made me prefer East Coast rap to West Coast. While Tupac was out starting a ruckus and claiming "California Love", Biggie was telling him what was what in the slow voice of a man that doesn't need to talk fast: The Greatest City in the World belongs to Notorious B.I.G. You can keep California. Bitch.

8. Joy Division - Substance

It's not really a real album, per se, as it is a collection of their greatest hits and best songs, but it still gets the point across that every rock band from England AFTER Joy Division was copying Joy Division to some degree. With such classics as the perfectly bitter "Love Will Tear Us Apart," the Sex Pistols-esque punk bonanza of "Warsaw," and beautifully prolific 'death letter' of "Atmosphere," this album has everything someone needs to learn how to start a band and be good. 

By the way: This is where I stop writing kinda detailed explanations. Sorry.

7. Jay-Z - The Blueprint

"The Takeover/Breaks Over/Ni**a/God MC/Me Jay-Hova" That's all that needs to be said. Best Dis Song Ever. "You little fuck/I got money stacks bigger than you" Perfect.

6. M.I.A. - Arular

She's small. She's Indian. She's hot. She makes catchy fuckin' songs. She wrote "Bucky Done Gun." I love it. 

5. Nick Cave and The Bad Seeds - Tender Prey

One of the best experimental albums I've ever heard. "The Mercy Seat" is one of my favorite songs, and it sets the tone for the entire album. "Sunday's Slave" and "Up Jumped The Devil" are incredible.

4. The Rolling Stones - 40 Licks

I don't care if it's a Greatest Hits. It's the best of the STONES. COME ON!

3. Arctic Monkeys - Whatever People Say I Am, That's What I'm Not

I never really understood the whole, "This album defined a generation," thing when I heard it said about Oasis or Blur or anything like that, or even The Strokes. It wasn't until I heard Arctic Monkeys debut album that I got it. Not to sound cheesy, but I related to it. I related to the boredom, I related to the longing for love, I related to the bitterness towards others, and I related towards the love of friends being just as important as family. Ask anyone that drove in my car with me in 2006: This album was on the ENTIRE year, and not ONCE did I get tired of it.

2. The Strokes - Room On Fire

While I admit "Is This It" is a great album, my true love for The Strokes presented itself with their sophomore album. Every song was memorized, every hook was learned, and every flaw was taken as perfection. On the whole, the album is a departure from their debut, which I think is what drew me to them. "Is This It" had some of my favorite songs ("The Modern Age," "Someday," "Last Nite," and "NYC Cops"), but "Room On Fire" had me at the opening line and held me until the last note. 

1. The Libertines - Up The Bracket

If you know me, you already knew this. No Explanation Necessary. Two tattoos on my body because of THIS album. I'm down for life.

Vampire Weekend.

No. 

Just No.

No, wait, I'll add something:

I wish someone had told me they sounded like that, so I could avoid at all costs. 

Yuppie fucks. "We hate rock music! Waaah!" 

Shut the fuck up.

I'm Not There. Must be referring to the storytelling and filmmaking talent.

So, I watched - or tried to watch - the Bob Dylan "biopic."

Wow. What a piece of shit. I LOVE Bob Dylan, but this was like...wow....absolute shit. 

First off, no-one is called Bob Dylan in the entire thing. Sure, I get it. It's supposed to be "Oh, he's everyone! He's NO-ONE!" But seriously, they could have done this in such a way that didn't fucking suck. Seriously, Jack Rollins? Arthur Rimbaud? Jude Quinn? A little black kid named Woody Guthrie? Sweet. It's the different stages of his life played by different people. At least call him Bob FUCKING Dylan. It's ridiculous. It's like having a Muhammad Ali movie, but calling him Jimmy Daniels, then Nick Burke, then Alexander Kozlov, then...Do you see where I'm going with this?

Next, these different people play DYLAN songs. Once again, I get it. They ARE Dylan. Once again, it's done in a very stupid way. Just call the people BOB DYLAN! 

THIRD, and this is the kicker, all these people who are performing Bob Dylan songs and acting like Bob Dylan have albums that are his albums...but Aren't...but they are? I wish I could find a picture of the Jack Rollins' album. It's so stupid. It's "The Times They Are A-Changin'," right? But it's called "Time Has Come." Exact same layout, exact same picture, everything is the exact same. So WHY CALL IT SOMETHING DIFFERENT?! It's SO frustrating. It's...ugh. I can't continue on this. It hurts my head.

Onto the acting: Sorry guys, but doing a Dylan impression doesn't count as being Dylan. I can do a Dylan impression. Does that mean I should play him? Nooooo, it doesn't. Christian Bale, for example, is an AWESOME actor. I love his work. However, he thinks being Dylan is talking in a nasally voice and acting jittery. Sorry, Batman. That doesn't work. Not only that, but when he sings, he sings the songs in a sensitive voice! What?! On a good note, I learned that Christian Bale can sing. Hm.

To wrap up, the director of this thing, Todd Haynes, is a twat. It's almost like he said "Well, it's  a Dylan movie. Dylan didn't make sense. This MOVIE shouldn't!! YAY!" Ok, dude. I'm gonna direct a Lead Belly movie. I know NOTHING about him, but whatever. I'm gonna get Laurence Fishburne to play Iron Stomach, Terence Howard to play Jimmy Masterson, Ashton Kutcher to play Moe, and a little Asian kid to play Po' Boy Jackson. But they'll all be Lead Belly. Only at different stages in his life. And Moe will record albums called "Satan's Abyss," "Twilight Select," and "Moe Sings Blues-like."

See? 

Rolling Stone? Buncha twats.

The wife and I were looking over Rolling Stone's Top 500 Albums of All Time, and really...what the hell? Did Paul fucking McCartney, like, blow the editor to get all the Beatles albums on there?Don't get me wrong, they DEFINITELY deserve to be in the Top 3, but three of their albums are in the Top 10. And how the fuck is Nirvana's "Nevermind" better than fucking Thriller? And Joshua Tree is better than Zeppelin I? And PET SOUNDS is better than Highway 61 Revisited?!

Ok...they can go fuck themselves.

In case you were interested, here's MY Top 10. If you're not, here it is anyway.

10. Klaxons - "Myths of the Near Future"

9. The Strokes - "Room on Fire"

8. Dirty Pretty Things - "Waterloo to Anywhere"

7. Bob Dylan - "Desire"

6. Bob Dylan - "Bringing It All Back Home"

5. Iggy Pop - "Lust for Life"

4. The Libertines - "The Libertines"

3. Bob Dylan - "Highway 61 Revisited"

2. Arctic Monkeys - "Whatever People Say I Am, That's What I'm Not"

1. The Libertines - "Up The Bracket"

Konichiwa, bitches.

New Raconteurs album. OMG R U SREUS?!

I was looking over NME.com just a second ago, when I saw news that, actually, stoked me out. The Raconteurs (aka, Jack White's OTHER band, or as my Dad calls it, his PROPER band) are releasing a brand spanking new album on March 25th, titled "Consolers of the Lonely." Cute. 

As a follow up to 2006's stellar "Broken Boy Soldiers," The Raconteurs have quite a bit of pressure on them. Not at ALL the same kind of pressure that Arctic Monkeys did when they released "Favourite Worst Nightmare," but pressure, none the less. On that note, I have nothing but faith in Jack White and his music-making abilities, seeing as pretty much all of The White Stripes' albums are perfect.

I, personally, love the The Raconteurs purely for their image. Their wild-western look is what, originally, drew me to them, and their music, especially Broken Boy Soldiers and Steady as She Goes, kept me drawn. Their music truly is storytelling, which, I guess, makes their name make sense.

Well, thank God for that, huh?

First in Post, First in your Hearts. I guess.

To begin, I would like to say that I have never blogged before. I used to think it was stupid, but now that I see a good majority of my friends have blogs, I'm gonna jump on the bandwagon. Hopefully, I don't fall off. 

ANYWAY! For my first post, here's Alex Turner (of Arctic Monkeys) and Miles Kane (of The Rascals) in their new band, The Last Shadow Puppets. 

And here's their first video, for "The Age of the Understatement."

It's good, huh?

Fuckin' right it is.